There is nothing you can say or do thats going to change the way they feel so there is no point in trying. With a narcissist this isnt a good thing, but I also didnt know. Both primary and secondary sources are rendered expendable given enough time, but did the narcissist have feelings for them in the first place? I think its like we get addicted to the treatment of doing whatever you can to get just a crumb of the man you fell in love with in the beginning or who you thought they were. Eventually, even this tactic fails and the narcissist has no choice but todiscardtheir partner and look for a new supply source. he made me better(be calm during arguments vs argue) only to better deal with his foolishness without consequences/accountability. Immediately following the breakup, or in this case of a narcissistic discard, the narcissist probably wont be all that interested in their old supply. Richard Grannon sums up this phenomenon very well: (Someone) is in a relationship with a narcissist, and at the moment when they start to recover, the narcissist crawls out of the woodwork and sends them an email or calls them. Responding to a narcissist's hoover gives them a payoff. Does The Narcissist Go Back To Old Supply? They usually hoover when they dont have a narcissistic supply or are bored with their current supply. This is why no contact is important to stop them doing this. So dont fall for any of it when he/she comes sniffing around. Hes a demon inside! In this situation, your best option is to walk away politely. The narcissist becomes his own audience and self-sufficient as his own, sometimes exclusive, source of narcissistic supply. The fundamentally broken and manipulative nature of the narcissistic personality means that these attempts to re-contact you should be ignored or rebuffed. What do we do if this happens? Tell the narcissist that your relationship was never good and that it was for the best that they left. He met a younger woman who does everything he tells her. Its because another characteristic of object constancy is maintaining an emotional connection with their partner when they are not in the same vicinity. Its shattering. Whatever abusive behaviors they did before; theyll do again. Just bizzare behaviour and I have no idea why she has been religiously watching me its really weird behaviour. They're irritated with you all the time. Its not that the narcissist doesnt miss you. I would beg and cry cuz it was so traumatic. If youve ever felt completely disconnected from your narcissistic partner when you are away from them. I pray for your peace x, This was such a great article I have been dealing with the discard for two years now with two kids Everything in this article is spot on thanks, I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years. If necessary, they will convince themselves that the person deserved it, or that it was their actions that drove them away. However, once you understand the mind of the narcissist, and that the relationship was never about you in the first place, it will become a lot easier to move on. That it was my fault, grieved to long, I was to depressing he needed fun. we are most likely bored with them as soon as our mood changes and we would rather our old non go crawl back into the place where they . He thinks once she is settled hes coming home to triangulate me. When the Narcissist Replaces You, Let Them. If theyre unable to find any supply sources, theyre likely to become despondent withdrawing from the world that is unable to recognize their talents and greatness. I dated my ex for about four months last year and walked away because he was overwhelming me and I was dealing with a family death at the time. They are vindictive. I had full custody of my kids. Primary Narcissistic Supply (PNS), 2. But another question people ask is simply why do narcs do this? Can Narcissism or NPD in narcissistic people . Sometimes they need a sexual conquest to feel attractive, and at other times they need the reassurances and praise from an intimate relationship to boost their self-confidence. A narcissists excitement and drama are not what you want to invite back into your life. Dont get me wrong, its not that the narcissist doesnt love you, they just love you in their own way. Theres nothing that anyone else can do to make a narcissist change; see our lengthy article which examines this issue in detail. But not all narcissistic supply is the same or has the same value to the narcissist. I didnt fall in love with him momentarily. I did not tell her, I want to, but it may just cloud her judgement more. The narcissist loves in his/her own way. Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? Society tends to think of narcissists as cunning, sometimes evil people that seek out victims to control. Before all my stuff was gone. In general, youve made a major mental breakthrough thats further detached you from them, or youre about to start a positive new chapter in your life that represents another level of moving on. (we broke up a lot but never longer than 3-5wks). So he lied to us both but she still formed a bond with someone she knew had a girlfriend to start. They want the rush that comes with an affair, which you can think of as primary supply, while holding onto the respectability and status of being married, the secondary supply. The partners of narcissists often wonder, do narcissists care about their supply. its hard to believe were not going into forever together. You've probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. 4. The last 2 months hv been wonderfulalot of the things I wanted felt like he was giving to me. Im heartbroken and devastated that what I thought was real was nothing. When a narcissist loses their supply, they start to fall into depletion and can become visibly deflated and depressed. The narcissist only knows that theyre feeling unsatisfied and that you were able to help them with that in the past. I found this out from her son. Circling back to old supply. These are the people who sustain the narcissist daily by showering them with praise and admiration. Sex was ok, she was a real pro but felt mechanical with zero emotional connection. However, precisely the fact that it happens out the blue after months or years can shock and unsettle us. And now its my fault. Anyways king story short I was working long hours the week I was moving out. i never responded. That's just what the narcissist wants because it reengages you in the relationship. Narcissists often hoover a person to get them to resume contact with them. run to the hills my love, hes not capable of commiting and having REAL love, which is team work and lots of effort. Its truly awfulIm replying to this feed because I dont want to txt, call, or show-out. Their flaws began to surface and suddenly they weren't so "perfect" anymore. The very wonderful traits they once . The Narcissist Went Back To The Old Supply? The bottom line on all of this is that if narcissist ex partner contact you again after a long time, just ignore or dismiss them. We were off when we were in relationships with other people and on when those other people figured us out. How does she know? I told thise closest to me and they think she just mean. When you are in a new relationship with a narcissist, one minute they are saying they want to settle down, get married and have kids. As you will have experienced, what the narcissist says and does are two completely different things. When your narcissist partner walks out, you are going to ask yourself several questions such as: Does a narcissist ever regret losing you? But these creatures are evil. If you're going to live a drama-free life filled with healthy relationships, you need to turn your back on the narcissist and refuse to provide that supply. In fact, if their thoughts ever start moving in that direction, they will switch the narrative and remind themselves that you were in a privileged position to even share the same space as such a phenomenal human being. It is the very thing that protects a narcissist from their insecurities, vulnerabilities, and fears. For narcissists, all forms of attention are good attention, even negative publicity or criminal punishment. Love bombing is their way of reminding you of the good old days. But no matter how many answers you think youve come up with; they will never satisfy that craving of knowing for sure whether your partner misses you the way you miss him or her. Just seems so cruel and unfair, though now realise I was just one guy on a v v long list and there are people out there still waiting to be taken into the web. Once theyve been wounded by their partner, the positive feelings they had vanish and hatred and disdain quickly arise. He met someone last summer and eventually lied and told this new woman we had broken up and started a full affair. It basically states that narcissists are constantly looking for some form of supply from other people, which confirms one of two things: This can take many different forms; here are just some of them (list is not exhaustive): Narcissists are literally addicts in this sense; they need topping up with constant new supply, or else they start falling into depletion, which is when the more fragile ones can appear depressed, low, moody and start attacking and provoking others as a secondary backup to inflate themselves. Narcissists are so good at the con game and mirroring whatever you want to see , that without knowledge about the existence of people like this it is very e. A narcissist will come back after no contact if they find themselves low on attention, and they consider you easy to get that attention from. They would be willing to compromise and would find a way to make things work. A Detailed, Nuanced Answer. Denial As the narcissist begins the aging process, the first thing many narcissists will experience is denial. That affirmation is referred to as narcissistic supply, and without it, the narcissist is left feeling empty and worthless. I hv been with mine for 8 yrsas a older women ( over 40) who never had experienced anything like this. Narcissists will use this incessant criticism to break free from the relationship only when theyve already found someone else. But, unfortunately, these feelings arent so much arising from the new partner as they are from the narcissist themself. Conversely, many of them can also seem to sense when youve made a major leap forward in detaching from them and moving on. If youve found a new partner, theyll try to sabotage the relationship. That was probably a case oflove bombing emotional manipulation intended to make you feel special, but it comes to a screeching halt when they no longer see you as a source of supply. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be on cloud nine for a short while as well. Theyre re-idealizing their old source of supply they got from you. They never live up to their word unless its going to benefit them in some way. Oversensitivity to criticism is their major characteristic, and their rage can escalate quickly. The vast majority of narcissists return to their old supply sources, and they do it in such a charming way that theyre back with open arms. They need to know that this person can give them the level of supply theyre accustomed to. Whenever a narcissist enters a new relationship, theres ahoneymoon phase, a time when theyre genuinely brimming with excitement and affection towards their new partner. Should they fail in this respect, they will be coerced into a one-sided relationship where they must constantly express approval for the narcissist not to earn their ire. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. i could never tell him about him without tearing him down but he could tell me about me almost daily and it was ok. its been months, we broke up in aug and hes been calling/texting off and on since then. It can be very strange to experience, but is indicative of a deeper connection between disordered people and those theyve manipulated and abused, to the point where they can almost seem to sense when youve taken a step forward in moving on from them. Angry with myself for falling for it, I was simply a source to feed her warped ego She couldnt sleep at night, now know why. But a true narcissist is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Narcissists have an extremely low threshold for boredom. Narcissists dont make comparisons so much as evaluations. Then the constant put downs and belittling. 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