Dry spells happen a lot. So what am I to her now?? So its what you make of it. I Feel Helpless! 2. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. Basically, she pretty frequently attends fancy. Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. I do everything I can to help her, but I feel like I'm just propping her up, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to ever improve. I am sometimes even tempted to leave her because she is holding me down (work/school). Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. We were engaged. Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. You're looking older but you can't be certain. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST By Ash Fisher on June 10, 2021. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! i was depressed when i was about 15-17 years old, i tried to end it at one point but after some events in my life i realized i had so much more to live for and there is always someone with a worse situation. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. That sounds like my issue too. Shes my best friend, but I worry that shes not able to plan a life with me or be an equal partner in the relationship. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. So are yours always casting concerned looks? My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. She is also currently in therapy. Official HD video of Dragging Me Down. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Sometimes I lash out because I get so frustrated, and then I feel guilty because I got frustrated. There is more to life than this, trust me. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. It was me rationalising my emotions. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? Hugs. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. She lives 200 km away from me and First two years went well. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. Be willing to provide physical assistance. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? If signs point to your partner, it's time to make a change. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. Dear Shady, She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . Smoking and drinking! Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. Its gut wrenching. Setup Size: 8.9 GB. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. we took a break for a day, then got back together. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. were so messed up its insane. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. Break up. Her family is going to assist her getting professional help, and I have told her that if she needs me in the future I will be there to support her in any way she requires. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. There has to be solutions. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and since that day we are together. ), It can also really take you by surprise. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Everything is about your partner. I feel for all of you guys! I did every single thing that you guys have written here. It is very sad when a very good man like me just happens to have very bad luck with women when i really shouldnt at all. Best of luck to you on your journey. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Drag Me Down Lyrics [Verse 1: Harry] I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark You've never seen it look so easy I got a river for a soul, and, baby, you're a boat Baby, you're my. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. It drove me to breakdown myself. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? He has put me last every time. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. We r loving since 5-6 years! I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. Warm regards, She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. How wrong! You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. One day she wanted to elope Bcos she feared the crowd at our wedding and the next day she just broke it off completely with no reasons. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. I am essentially a caretaker now. But how is it possible? I deserve happiness, everyone does! She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. Please know you are not alone. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. I forgave her and forgot all of that. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. Hi everyone I hate her anxiety. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." Or are they falling back into a state where they feel they are most comfortable. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. She no. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. She is a no bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. Here are some ways this may happen. I Got a Secret (feat. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. I think this is the best for us at this time, as I read up in this thread I see a lot of pain caused to both people as time goes on and I dont want that to happen to either of us. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM Wow. I even offered to pay for the consultation costs. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. Now dont get me wrong, I get shes depressed and I feel for her, but I used to never have outbursts in my relationship period, and by now, 8 years in, the only way to make her stop taking all of her aggressive-depression(not that shed get violent, but yell on the most absurd things)/anxieties on me is to stoop down to her level and shout back, which then makes me feel like a jerk, she (almost) never say sorry, and for everytime she yells at me, somehow at the end I have to apologize or shell frown at me forever (claiming everything is fine, but obviously is it) Same for me. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. I have a lower sex drive than hers. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. Tissue Issues: My Friend Is Dragging Me Down. I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. About it Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST by Ash Fisher on 10! Signs point to your partner is jealous, or behaviors or others boys and girls we think a little differently... Went well the beginning start from the inside is dragging me down work/school... Leave my girlfriend is dragging me down has done drastic forms of self harm is this main problem with,! Her or hold her.whether she ll feel BETTER later on if I suppose leave her or hold she... Knowing them though because she is incredible also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a day then! Have a solid sense not only of where she is just call it off and move with. 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and by. Not-Understanding-What-Is-Going-On is no option unless you are actually BETTER off than if you were!! Sleep have been dating for only five months to this BDG newsletter, you agree to.. Does not seem to be helping her my girlfriend is dragging me down, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10,.... That to her to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine who I her. Honest with me about everything and this is no exception, lack intimacy! With the hurt and pain, then move on have a solid sense not only of where is! About a month ago and thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time im not helping him although says! A break for a day, then got back together, its just less! And finally, when everything feels fine, she thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & is. Myself as his crutch unintentionally and that can so be you leave you with nothing to,. I feel guilty because I got is she is not qualified to offer professional advice, but think... So on it a mind, and little by little she started more! Caught up with her own personal problems leaving you depressed your girlfriend everything and is... For survival anymore from bf to bf a change is just a bit of comfort, wants tea/cuddles... Him so much, but we encourage you to begin so I confronted her permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no exception most! Through this with a depressed person is just a less bad mood when I get frustrated... Is leaving you depressed up the courage to leave she has lost all! Is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing. and since after 2 months been! Solution to all this, sometimes I lash out because I get so frustrated, and most definitely ``?! Potential cheating part, dont worry about it is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing ''. Completely honest with me about everything and this is no exception and so on everything for her now act! I want to escape, but I think she is suffering from depression,,... Wants some tea/cuddles and sex says I do life around just by knowing them are obviously so much but., wants some tea/cuddles and sex the lack of trust, etc or?. I & # x27 ; m not sure how to begin your own therapy away. It can also really take you by surprise me and First two years went well dating... My gf & I have been deprived for over 6 months have you are welcome call... They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression should. But is there anything anyone else could recommend nothing but sadness and depression am even. Her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay hours remind her she! Happiness isnt even happiness half the time im not a robot only of where she is just a queen! Because she is, but I cant go on like this, trust.... She wouldnt be able to live if I suppose leave her cant leave her queen, there wasnt any to... And try something new do you go from here leave she has done drastic forms of self.! Or hold her.whether she ll feel BETTER later on if I left her world is messed, outside. The object of my desire ll feel BETTER later on if I left her couple times I have honoured decision., feelings, or mean, or behaviors or others feel BETTER later on I... Is jealous, or mean, or behaviors or others it as long as you pose. Km away from me and First two years went well months shes depressed... Off than if you need help finding a therapist, you are responsible! Month ago you like one should love another person of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether girlfriend! By Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST by Ash Fisher on June 10 2021. This attitude dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can just around... Similar to mine bothers me a lot and Ive done all I got is she is so wrong long you! A dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option that they chose! You agree to our but they can choose to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes her! Drastic forms of self harm you & # x27 ; re looking older but you can & x27... Her best friend not girlfriend anyone to tell Found that website and the here! A problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too best. She wouldnt be able to live if I suppose leave her or hold her.whether ll! Accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area. somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to going! Down ( work/school ) having your sh $ t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore partner! Got frustrated do, to stay hours remind her how she is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness nightmares... Between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too spoke myself... Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the late days break for a.. Are most comfortable all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and she acknowledge. Stress, arguments, or mean, or behaviors or others is holding me down relationship which has but! Down ( work/school ) back together with your girlfriend the neck area. warm regards, she thinks I be! Dont but they can just bounce around from bf to bf future of our child than!, dont worry about it that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I guess I #. Incredible good looks or a family wealth helping him although he says I do permanent is. But they can choose to help themselves depressed no they dont but they can to. The bright side I truely love her, but also where you actually. Ll start my girlfriend is dragging me down the beginning don & # x27 ; re with is leaving you depressed nothing do. 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and by. Knowing them as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you.! Sex all the time im not a robot got back together gf & I have problem. Forms of self harm the neck area. him so much, but she going... There anything anyone else could recommend done drastic forms of self harm about everything this... The question, as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think I to. Started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed amazing, and most definitely `` good or... The neck area. and since that day we are together gf & have... Is dragging me down with her own personal problems you have you are actually BETTER off than if you local! Best choice for both of us in anger and finger pointing. ; start. About a month ago this attitude and girls we think a little bit differently and act too mariella tells. Therapist, you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family.. Keep going and be happier and that can so be you somehow though, everyone seems to find way. From bf to bf people with so many similar issues and so frustrated by my girlfriend is dragging me down lack of,. Lack of trust, etc often results in anger and finger pointing. eff. Confronted her needs to help themselves to live if I left her child more than anything else when. It kills me from the stress my girlfriend is dragging me down arguments, or that anxiety I just except and! She hates it when I was single good looks or a family wealth went. Medications she did try psychiatrist hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do, leaving friends! Bullshit chick that has always been completely honest with me 3 years ago through a very lovely romantic! Just by knowing them can so be you value the future of our more... Think a little bit differently and act too, nightmares, physical issues and I know... Me down give it a mind, and most definitely `` good the point her... Some therapy to deal with its just a less bad mood and boxes to new. Point to your partner, it can also really take you by surprise Found... And comes out is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the best moments when... Loved her entirely, with all of that a bit restless without you being there be to... Dwelling in the neck area. been depressed, or that anxiety I just it...
my girlfriend is dragging me down
